it conquers all,it is in the air we breathe,we want it even if we lose it,it turns a sane person mad,and yet it is all we need

it's love.the other day in humanities, our prof started asking us all questions about this concept...it stemmed from beginning to learn about the romantics,and what really constituted romantic love..unfortunatel,he tried calling on me to answer the question "can one find love on this school campus?is it possible to meet your soulmmate at a college such as the one we attend?"...i answered very basically that love is everywhere,and is found in the most unexpected places...i had so so much more to contriubute to this topic.i wish we had talked more, but i have a very non participating class....i don't think the concept or the idea of romantic love has left society,but i do however thinkthat the subjective idea of what is romantic has changed.i think it's become more tailor made and personal.one student referred to candle light dinners...now see,i don't want that.for one thing, that's a fire hazard.for another,i'm just really not into candle lit dinners.although,you'd think i would be,since candle light is one of the more flattering lighting sources...i'm getting off topic..what i wanted to pose as a question to the class(but didn't)was this:if we surveyed every girl in the room,how many of them would share the idea of what a perfect date(preferably first)would be like?i would have been very interested in hearing the girls tell their versions of realistic first date ideas,then survey the guys and compare and contrast.i think as society has broadened,so have not only oppourtunities with love,but creativity in expressing a want to share/begin/confront/entertain the idea of love...

(oh,for the record,my ideal realistic first date could go north or south...)
*north would involve a wonderfully musiical road trip to la,where we would visit a museum for a few hours,maybe have a snack,drive and walk down melrose maybe and try on silly vintage frocks before having dinner at somewhere really romantic...like roscoe's house of chicken and waffle!...then if i'm lucky we go to the argyle or some other swanky theatre for an awesome movie(not before stopping off at amoeba first of course)and then getting a bite at swinger's..or cupcakes....

*south would also involve a musical road trip,this time to san diego for a picnic in the glorious sprwaling balboa park.this one would involve a walk around the park,possibly a trip into one of their museums(if i was really lucky it would involve the neighboring zoo!)and then a small drive up to hilcrest where we could peruse shops,maybe go into the 2nd hand bookstore...and then have dinner at the lovely pizza fusion..but we won't get too full because then we'll drive down to the gaslamp district,walk around,and totally pig out on sundaes at ghirardelli's...

i have a feeling that what i think is a really low key fun day date would probably intimidate and scare the crap out of every guy in the universe.i just feel that maybe dates should be a little more creative than "dinner and a movie"...i live in southern california,and although even i complain there isn't a ton to do in my area,these at least offer a wider span of options,no?




...all this talking about "love" got me going off on tangents.sure,i've been in love before,and yes,i had a relationship one many many moons ago...but how then does mutual attraction really work?i seem to understand it when it applies to two other people,but somehow i haven't honed down the "mutual" aspect of attraction when it comes to me.i think that may be true of most people though,which is why a lot of people are oblivious when someone does in fact like them.i am regarded (by some)to be a romantic cynic.i think i am less cynical and more realistic about things,and that realism makes people think i am nonchallant about the concept of love.it's quite untrue.i do,however have about 22 out of my nearly 27 living years experience in love/lust/platonic feelings/....i have been struggling with this concept since the day i met eric dubhorn in kindergarten!and since michael zoppi's greand rejection of my advnaces at the tender age of sevem,i have been trying to avenge younger anne's defeat.i don't think i'm doing too well,though.

i'm just really impatient.i am still reeling from my the third largest rejection in my life that occurred last year and have done a lot to work on myself(because obviously,somewhere along the line,awesome as i am,i need some work...did i mention i talk too much,which is an issue for most guy?).i'm just tired of interpreting the little coincedences that only mean something to me,tired of making incredibly strong platonic connections that don't seem to go anywhere.i think it's about time the universe owe me one and sends me a completely romantically unromantically inclined man.i think i deserve it.

i just want to believe i'm worth it.