the love song of anne c banks

this is my new goal to partake in with zoe

hello,it's been awhile.i really haven't had much to blog about...maybe i can bullet point some highlights?

*school
*reading for school
*summer school registration
*school

...patterns are beginning to take over my life!

my birthversary is in two days.i am nervous with excitement.not over the prospect of getting older,but because it is the one day where i am completely okay with being self centered.my only goal is to make this birthday count.i let things get in the way of ruining this one day of unadultered selfishness,and i ruined it for a selfish reason,and misery ensued.that is not happening this year.



this is what love looks like in confectionary form.

what i want most this year is stability.i want the people who say they believe in me to stick by me so i can believe their words.i want to know what it is to be loved.oh wow,that sounded juvenile....okay,i'll settle for a pony!

(also,is it too wrong to hope for a decent date with someone that isn't one of my gal pals?i love them dearly and i love that they get me,but seriously...i need a man.)

here's to eating peaches,coffee spoons,rolled trousers,michelangelo,mermaids,lady's arms,rambling and forgetting where you are in a story,and not meaning that at all!

new beginnnings?

....so this is what i've been working on looking like for the past year or so....





the other day,my gramma decided i would get an early birthday present!i have been planning on donating my hair, but was not sure when it would happen....



good bye, tresses!



....hello,you saucy minx with the raspberry do,you!

i am please.amused one would even say.this weight of the hair being off me is also purely metaphorical.after my last blog post, i was messing around with a friend writing emerson quotes back and forth and stumble don one regarding one's worth.it makes me happy that ralph waldo and i are on the same page.

slowly,gradually,i'm getting better at that whole "self realization" shebang.i recently saw a dear old friend that i met when i went to italy fresh out of high school.she helped me open myself up and let loose(but not go wackadoodle crazy) and discover who i wanted to be.seeing her again reminded me of how i used to be,and how i have come a long way from that person.

i just hope i keep going!

and all the rest

man alive it's been a boring weekend.

calculating your worth is a really tricky thing.my birthday is coming up,and usually i go a little invite crazy.i generally feel bad if i don't include people, and therefore i invite a lot of people.last year, about twenty people showed up at my house.all my friends,acquaintances,etc.it was fulfilling that so many people wanted to come celebrate with me(or eat free food)...but i felt that because there were so many people,and of different interests it was a little strained to make connections with everyone.this year i went sensible.and the results are a tad interesting.

i am the easiest person to befriend.i get along with nearly anyone(so long as they have some sense of intelligence and are not a flaming racist among other things)...unfortunately,i also serve as the wet blanket of all my friends.you know what i'm referring to.i'm that friend.the one that reminds you of all your tasks,calls when you need a wake up call, and is also the friend you call when all your other friends can't do anything with you.that's me for a majority of people i've "befriended" over the years.i also have a difficult living situation that prevents me from going places and at hours when it's more convenient for others.i struggle to determine whether i have any friends i can really count on.

that brings us to this year.this was a good year for friends.if one was to look at the people i've decided to invite to my birthday....cassie and robyn would be the only people i was friends with last year...i have made some really strong bonds this year.i still struggle with knowing how much they appreciate my presence,but i think i am finally seeing that i am capable of having relationships with people.

...in order to get me to this point,i should explain that i have never...ever...ever had great self esteem.i didn't think anyone deserved to be my friend(this includes faint of intellect and blatant bigots) because i had nothing to offer.it's still a learning process,but i am at least at the point where i can recognize that yes, i do have good qualities.how i got here is a totally other story.

all i can say is that the bonds we make with people are only as strong as we are as people.if we are weak of spirit, then we will view our friendships as weak.so stay strong,see not only the good in others,but in yourself...i guarantee, you are worth it!(except you,racists and ignorant beings..you're kind of hopeless)

smirkday

i would just like to say that i make amazing mixes of the musical variety.currently blogging to the tune of "ode to lrc"by that loverly band of horses...yesterday proved to be an incredibly amazingly eye opening day.rekindled a friendship,strengthened another,tested a budding one,and forged a partnership.all with different people.yesterday's events inspired my goings on for today.zoe(of zoe upside d o w n fame),her man matt,and i had lunch and went into aaron brothers,where i was inspired to really hone my crafting hobby.i decided that it would be a lot more intimate and memorable if i annemade my birthday invites to my friends.i sat down and decided i wanted a failry small group of people attending....and i went to a different aaron brothers today and bought the necessary supplies! i want to post them, and will identify some of the receipiants....i won't reveal the invites of those who are invited and read my blog,secrecy is key!haha....let's see if i'm savvy enough to get this to work...hmmm..



this is for my jadey jade jade because someday she'll be a star...



this is ryan's...i know he "follows" my blog,but quite frankly,i don't think he reads it,he just joined to shut me up.he gets a fishie charm in memory of the poor lil' one we massacred at bcd...



robyn's!i know she reads this,too,but i know she's so busy there's no way she'll catch this on the weekend...



i think it's pretty clear that samson gets birthday invites with skeletons in it.and vintage ads..because he's a dandy,



this goes to a fellow blogger+reader.and i adore her.




another blogger+reader that i heart.i hope she likes this...



greg gets a hodgepodge...because,well...that's how we roll!



...and finally,my sassafrass'!(that would be cassie's)she gets the whimsy children because she is a bit whimsy herself...


i am so proud of these...i want to make more things!

shmoo

i am bursting.i had heard about the shmoo from a friend i went to high school with...for some reason,i remembered the name yesterday...i am beyond familiar with al capp,but never really read his comics...although had i been more familiar with them,the fact that my grandfather used to tell people he was from "lower slabovia" would have made more sense(it's a "lil' abner reference")...anyway,i looked up the entire history of the shmoo and am in love.i want to ask my grams if i can order the book(i can tell her believeably that since it is an allegorical story,it will completely pertain to any philosophical higher learning i plan on persuing)...

i just really had to share with my blog+fan club.

i behold thee to a standard that is fit for the heavens...

okay,i have something to admit(partially)...i sparingly watch television at it's regular hours(although i am now a huge fan of "parenthood",but that shall come later),and usually watch it as a time killer or as a means to get me to go to bed.i do like television shows,don't get me wrong.i just watch those on my own time and generally over the summe rin the form of boxed sets.anyway...

there is a show on a network made for cable that is a reality/documentary show.it is hosted/created by and stars a particular "musician/celebrity" that i do not endorse or enjoy very much.the reason i shamefully yet shamlessly watch this program is due to the subject matter....it is a show that chronicles the concept of beauty throughout the world(most of you have probably guessed the show and are sneering,please keep reading)

i am obsessed with beauty.when i say that, i don't mean that i am looking for the cheapest surgery or the latest fad diet to get me looking hollywood ready.what i mean is that i am obsessed with the concept and question of "what makes a person beautiful to another?" this fascinates me.i realize that what i find beautiful to me is not always the case with another.and i am not just referring to humans-clothing,art,music,puppies,the whole shebang!i do try to take care of myself, as i do believe in the "healthy body,healthy attitude,healthy life" mantra.i take good care of my skin, but that is mostly because it is important to treat your body every now and again...i eat moderately well and healthy,and i do try to exercise, although years of not doing so and having a lazy constitution have taken their tolls...

this brings me back to my fascination with this show.i like that it is program on a mainstream network that at least shows people living in a shallow box that beauty comes from all over the world and is in many shapes,sizes, and colors...i love hearing about rituals and outfits and customs from afar.i want to visit these places and see what other people see,feel what they feel,bask in their energy!
i realize this is an ages old lesson and it seems a bit silly for me to tout this program,but let's face it....at least more people are actually paying attention to this.i actually feel good about myself after watching one of these episodes.i realize that there really is more than what meets the eye.

i have always known that,as i try to see/find beauty in everything.for me,a person's beauty stems from who they are as a person.if they are good looking on the outside with a rotten personality...eeeeeh,not so good looking anymore.i want to believe most people,especially the intellegent ones are like this, but sadly it is nto the case. i've almost found that my more intellegent friends(some of which,in society's mind may not be so so attracticve)are even more shallow than i ever could have thought.it's sickening.

i am a victim of being shallow as well.mine comes in the form of thinking that if i look a certain way,then shallow people will find me attractive.to me,it's a form of be being shallow.i want to lose some extra weight,but mostly it's because i plan amazing outfits in my head that i would liek to wear in real life...i should probably learn to sew to accomplish this....oooh,i'm rambling

not to sound like a song by another pop artist i am not a fan of, but there is beauty everywhere.i applaud the people who look for it,find it,and embrace it.i am humbled to have such stunningly amazing friends.i look at each one and am in awe of the presence they each have.to me,every one of my friends is lovlier than a rose.and they smell even sweeter.i am proud of them for being beautiful in their own ways,with their individual quirks and talents,and for embracing me,idiosyncrasies and all.

now when i see myself,it is not with a smirk,but with a smile....

lights!camera!.....agencies?

so today in acting,we read from scenes from "revolutionary road".our instructor told us to make sure to dress 50's(hence the hair)...from our auditions,the top 4 girls and guys would be picked by the directing classto be shot...anyone not picked is filmed by maria,our instructor..in addition,we also had our headhsots taken today...double the nerves,double the...fun?

well,jade and i were the only two to really pull it together 50's steezy.we felt a tad silly.she pulled out an awesome audition...i actually thought i did rather well,but alas,was not picked by the directors.oh well.

however,i was relived that the headshots went better than expected.also,i met with maria to go over my progress.she had very positive things to say,and let me know that 1)i should go into theatre because i have a knack and 2)to please sign with an agency because i am ready to go.i am humbled.

....must..practice..lines...

not only do i have "revolutionary road",but i also have a scene from "pulp fiction" to memorize..eeep!